Recently (and quite often) the topic of discussion amongst me and my friends - male and female - is why it seems so difficult for educated black women to find good men. I have SEVERAL single, female friends in various professional schools - future doctors, nurses, pharmacists, dentists, lawyers, etc...all are beautiful, intelligent, with diverse personalities..............and single. As I look at my Caucasian counterparts, however, I realize that they aren't having this problem. Most of my classmates are married. Some with children. Many of them are with men that have some type of professional degree as well. What is the disconnect between races?!
I've heard both sides of the argument: from "men are intimidated" to "they [women] think they know EVERYTHING." Personally, I feel like the answer is - as with most complicated things - multifactorial. So here are my two cents on this subject. Feel free to leave your opinion. Smiley face.
Intimidation: Quite frankly, if a man is too "intimidated" by an educated female to ask her on a date, then he is NOT the "good man" for her. Point. Blank. Period. Game: Blouses
Limitations: A lot of black women limit their dating pool to black men. I mean, I'm guilty. Not necessarily by choice...just never really had a guy of another race approach me. I'm all for an inter-racial relationship, but yes, I've always envisioned being with a guy that reminds me of my daddy - a strong BLACK man. Sooo much more I want to dwell into about this (like black men, their levels of education, so on and so forth), but I shall refrain for now.
Expectations: Well, since I started with the "-tions," I may as well keep with it. But anyway, back to the subject at hand......
Men: I have male friends that have "targeted" professional women because they know that "she's going to be making MONEY." WTF??? Just because I am making money does not mean that I'm supposed to break bread with your broke ass. However, many men have come to expect this because, frankly, basic.....females.....have been taking care of grown ass men. And now a lot of men expect this from ALL women........ Whatever happened to the ideology of the male being the provider? I mean....God made Adam first right? Adam had to take care of his business first and foremost. I have no kids, and I for damn sure am not about to take care of a grown man. Again, not to be mistaken, in a relationship, I will help when needed BUT at MY discretion.
Women: Some of our expections can be unreasonable. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying SETTLE. I'm just saying that I have friends that could date Michael Phelps and still be like "He good, but it's not like he can walk on water tho..." WTF. There are women that have this unrealistic belief that this man - second to only God Himself - is going to come sweep her off of her feet. Ummmm.................maybe, maybe not. Doubt it.
Imagination: Many single black women have this longing for the next guy they get with to be THAT guy. And we have a tendency treat the most ain't-shit man like he is THAT guy. There is a common misbelief that we can change a man into what we want him to be. I don't know what it is that's such a turn-on about a rehabilitated bad-boy, but that's what a lot of women seem to want. (Or maybe I'm just telling on myself...haha.) We need to start taking our time and reading the CarFax (or WhoreFax. Whatever tickles your fancy) on these men before we start treating them better than they deserve. We look over a lot of good men because we're so focused on trying to unravel the "potential" we see in Mr. Ain't Shyt.
Oh well. That's all for now. No where NEAR everything I wanted to include. Would write more but I'm supposed to be working. Again, leave your comments/thoughts!
The thoughts expressed on this page are solely those of Danesha. If they offend you, good. Write about it.