Every Good Man

I have several friends that come to me for relationship/end-of-relationship advice. Haven't quite figured out why, yet.

Somehow they all find me for end-of-relationship advice right around their depression stage of grief. In an effort to provide quality advice, I try to assess my friend's situation as well as his/her mindset...

These are my stories. *insert Law & Order sound clip here*

So many times, it seemed the reason the woman had trouble moving forward after a breakup (pending she is the breakup-ee) is because she saw the "potential" this man had or because this man was simply 

...a good man.

Welp ladies, 

every good man is not for every good woman 

and vice versa. It's an obvious and OVERLOOKED fact of life.

WHAT IN THE GOOD FUCK CONSTITUTES A "GOOD MAN/WOMAN" ANYWAY????

serious question. answer it.

project: ask a few female and male friends to list what makes a person look good on paper. even better, ask them to prioritize the list and then look at the drastic differences between sexes 

People say "good man/woman" as if these terms have universal definitions. 

They don't. It's based on your personal beliefs.

Even if this person you seek as a potential mate fits all of your criteria, there's the realistic chance of this person not fitting in your life.

Examples

You're celibate. Is he still considered a good man once you realize he's trying to wine & dine them draws off? (I mean seriously...what man doesn't have that as his ultimate goal?)

Aside: I've never been the type to say "niggas* ain't shit." But I'll tell anyone that most niggas' intentions aren't shit. In the nigga's defense, he typically only gets away with whatever you allow him to. 
*In this text, nigga is being used as a term for men in general...not all, just most.

You've experienced being cheated on before. Is he still considered a good man if he says he considers infidelity "the norm?"

You yearn for emotional connectedness (i.g. you're needy as hell). Is he still considered a good man if he's apathetic or is non-responsive towards your emotional needs? 

The answer is SURE! He can still be a good dude. Just not the good guy for you. 

Look at your resume of a good mate. If you're considered "good" by your own standards, then why waste time seeking the attention of one?

Don't get me wrong. I understand emotional attachments can be strong n shit. And I know what it's like to feel like options are limited as an educated, black woman. But it's just not worth it to pursue a man that doesn't complement you.

Men:
Everything stated above was as pertinent to you as it was to the women. However, I have two issues in particular with men:

Hubris
I have no idea WHY some negroes feel that they are the BEST MAN the woman they just broke up with ever had, will ever have, or can dream up.

Naw, cuh.

To pride yourself on being a good man is GREAT! - but there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Sit yo'ass down thinking that you are the only man with your "credentials."

If you look at my resume, I am THE SHIT as far as I'm concerned. And I'm single as an and-one free throw.

The Blame Game
Other negroes will apply sole blame to the female for the relationship's demise. It humors me when my male friends say, "Her (insert character flaw here) is why she can't keep a man," about their exes. Umm....but you're single, too, homie.
Apparently, you can't keep a woman.

I honestly think some of you believe you're LESS single than your ex.


Yall in the same damn boat...
...or am I missing sumn?




Final thoughts: Don't waste energy on a "good" ex...especially if they aren't wasting theirs on you.
Be blessed!